Self-Improvement

2/3/2024

I just turned 20 years old today.  I was born February 3rd, 2004 in Newport Rhode Island

 

And I know that’s not old but I feel old.

 

So old that I may even download Facebook.

 

I spent most of my teenage years directionless.

 

The worst years of my life were during high school and even a little after high school as well.

 

I’m class of 2022 so most of my high school career was during SHMOVID-19. Many other things affected my life drastically during this time too. Losses in the family, separations, depression, anxiety, and all types of bad things happened.

 

I've made many mistakes. I don't have regrets, as those mistakes and bad things led me to where I am today. But, there are some things I wish I'd learned sooner.

 

But now I’m finishing my teens as a way better person than I ever was before. I'm much healthier mentally and physically. I have my finances under control.

 

I'm working full-time on my business.

 

I'm also close to having 100K subscribers on YouTube, which is a dream come true, honestly.

Being a creator has been my dream career since before I was even a teenager.

 

Above all else, I wake up every day with a feeling of purpose and drive, and I go to sleep feeling fulfilled. That was something that I lacked for a long time.

 

Today I’m going to list out the 20 lessons that I’ve learned from my 20 years of life.

 

1. Read More Books

 

I regret that school initially made me loathe reading. Investing in my own knowledge has become one of the most rewarding habits I've developed over the past year.

Many teenagers, including myself, avoided reading because we had to read uninteresting books just for grades. This lack of choice transformed reading into a chore.

Another reason people struggle to read is because it’s hard to focus for more than 30 seconds on one thing.

 

Years of mindless scrolling on social media and playing video games made it challenging to transition into reading actual books. However, with time, I managed to rebuild my concentration. Now, I dedicate anywhere from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours each day to reading.

 

Start reading.

 

2. Play Fewer Video-games

 

Here’s the thing about video games:

 

They are really fun.

 

But really useless.

 

Growing up, I was more of an outdoors kid and didn't play many games. But, everything changed when I got a PS4 in 8th grade.

 

I've spent countless hours on Fortnite. Sometimes, I even played for 16 hours straight during the summer. Although it was fun, I might have had just as much or even more fun outside.

 

The real problems began during the school years. I often chose to play video games over doing homework. Unsurprisingly, this didn't sit well with my parents.

 

In retrospect, I have countless hours logged on my PS4 but nothing tangible to show for it. It hasn't advanced my life in any significant way. I'm not completely against video games. Many people pursue them as a career. However, I personally wish I had spent less time on them.

 

Don’t overdo it on the games bro.

 

3. Learn A High-Income Skill

 

What exactly are high-income skills?

• Writing

• Speaking

• Marketing

• Video Recording/Editing

• Photo shooting/editing

• Webdesign

• Coding

If I had dedicated time to learning these skills in high school, I could have skipped the whole process of getting a job. And it would have given me an edge when starting my business as well.

 

And these skills transfer over into more areas than you may think. If you want to make any sort of creative income, these skills are a must.

 

4. Save/Spend Your Money For Important Things.

 

I began working at the age of 14, babysitting my neighbor’s son. A couple of years later, at 16, I got a job at Walmart.

 

Then after graduating, I got a full-time job.

 

I held that full-time job for over a year. I have always worked for the past six years, but I feel like I have accomplished little.

 

Whenever I had some money to spare, I'd spend it on things I'd always wanted but could never get from my parents. Essentially, I bought everything I ever wanted with the money from my part-time job.

 

The only purchase I can confidently say was a good investment was my car, which I got when I was 17.

 

As I reflect on my past spending habits, I can't help but wonder how my life would be different if I had used my earnings more purposefully.

 

If you're still in high school, I recommend finding a way to earn money. You don't have to save everything, but consider investing in yourself. Buy books, pursue self-education, and other things that can give you an edge.

 

Take it from a guy who spent hundreds on V-bucks...

 

5. Delay Gratification

 

"We all must suffer one of two pains: The pain of discipline, or the pain of regret." - Jim Rohn

 

This quote perfectly encapsulates the lesson.

 

The more you choose the pain of discipline, the more you'll experience delayed gratification. Conversely, the pain of regret stems from indulging in instant gratification. While instant gratification can feel great in the moment, it often leads to regret later on.

 

It's crucial to take care of your mind and body now. Youth doesn't equate to invincibility.

Ask anyone older than you. They'll likely wish to have established good fitness and nutrition habits earlier in life.

 

Bottom line: Don’t be an asshole to your future self.

 

6. Always Have A Project To Work Towards Outside of School

 

I've noticed a pattern among those struggling with bad habits:

 

They tend to indulge in these habits after work or school, almost as if it's a reward for a long day.

 

Reflecting on my school days, I realize the most fulfilling times were when I was involved in sports. I succumbed to bad habits more frequently during the off-season, summer, or weekends.

 

Participating in sports improved my sleep. It also gave me something positive to look forward to at school. During periods when I wasn't engaged in sports, I felt more depressed. I always disliked schoolwork. Having another activity I enjoyed made it more bearable.

 

I suspect I would have felt the same if I had started my YouTube channel while still in high school. It would have given me something to look forward to after school. It would have kept me occupied and away from bad habits.

 

In summary:

 

School = Depression

 

Instant Gratification = Depression

 

Fulfilling project/hobby = Happiness

 

School + Project = Less depression+More happiness :)

 

I recommend finding a passion project outside of school or work. If sports aren't your thing, find something meaningful to engage in.

 

7. You Are The Sum of 5 People You Spend Time With

 

This is the second quote in here from Jim Rohn.

 

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn

 

I believe this is particularly true during high school. You're essentially forced to be around the same degen losers. Your only choice is who you decide to associate with.

 

I'm grateful that my programming prevented me from falling into certain friend groups. It kept me from placing myself in a position where I could be influenced by the wrong people.

 

Over the years, I've observed many individuals join the "popular group." They quickly adopt their goals and habits, which often involve degenerate activities. They also show disrespectful attitudes towards others and authorities.

 

I'm very selective about who I allow into my life because I'm acutely aware of the impact they can have on my behavior and worldview.

 

Consider the people you associate with now and ask yourself:

 

Does this person fit into my ideal future?

 

Does this person uplift me and encourage me to be the best I can be?

 

Does this person possess qualities that would benefit me if passed on?

 

If the answer to any of these questions is no, it might be time to reconsider.

 

8. You Are the Sum of 5 Creators You Watch

 

This issue is particularly prevalent among teenagers.

 

Creators' influence on our lives continues to grow. Social media increasingly dominates the internet.

 

Many of you may have discovered me through my dopamine detoxing videos. You may have followed the advice I shared. I may have significantly impacted some of your lives. Whether it's for better or worse is subjective. But the more you watch me and other creators you enjoy, the more likely you are to adopt our worldviews, and possibly even our goals.

 

In his book, The Art of Focus, Dan Koe states: “Minds of low development will try to bring the world down to its level. Minds of high development will try to bring the world up. We are in the middle of a spiritual war of ideas.”

 

Stay mindful of who you allow into your subconscious, much as you would with your social circle.

 

9. Cut People Off Who Pull You Down

 

This point relates to number 7. If you realize there are people in your life who are not beneficial, it can be challenging to decide to let them go. This is especially true if you have known them for a long time or see them daily. You might feel obligated to maintain these connections.

 

However, remember that the duration of a relationship does not determine its strength. The foundation of a strong relationship lies in honesty, trust, respect, and open communication between partners. It requires effort and compromise from both sides.

 

For instance, one of my closest friends is someone I've only known for four months. Our bond is strong because it encompasses all these crucial elements.

 

If your friends do not offer these qualities, and you feel no obligation to reciprocate, cut them from your life. You're wasting your valuable time otherwise.

 

10. Find An Accountability Partner

 

This is the last point about relationships.

 

My friend Aziz is my accountability partner, even though I don't explicitly call him that. We work well together because we hold each other accountable.

 

Aziz also has a Youtube channel and is interested in online business. We have many shared goals. It's beneficial to have someone striving towards the same objectives as you. This is particularly true when they are at a similar level. You can support each other's growth, share advice, and offer constructive criticism. There's also a sense of friendly competition, or better put, camaraderie. I want Aziz to succeed, but I also want to outperform him.

 

Knowing that Aziz is working hard motivates me to do the same. I don't want to fall behind, especially when someone else is relying on my efforts.

 

Ali Abdaal states in his book Feel Good Productivity: "Teamwork is as much a psychological state as a way of dividing up tasks." You don't even have to be working on the same thing as someone else. But, the feeling of working together can motivate you to take on challenges.

 

You're not alone.

 

11. Stop Worrying About Others

 

Stop caring about what others are doing and what they think of you.

 

You can't go through life constantly worrying that others are scrutinizing you. Worrying that they might be waiting for your downfall. It's just not true. Most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to give you a second glance.

 

You've likely experienced this before. Remember presenting a Google slideshow or a poster board project in front of the class? The anxiety you felt, your heart pounding in your chest. But as you started to present, the anxiety faded. You realized that nobody was paying as much attention as you thought. Once you sat down, you stopped thinking about it. Your classmates probably did too.

 

Even if there are critics in your life, their negativity is likely rooted in jealousy or dissatisfaction with their own lives.

 

"The critic hates most that which he would have done himself if he had the guts" - Steven Pressfield

 

12. Become an Adult in High School

 

This doesn't mean you can't enjoy your youth. I encourage you to have fun and make the most of your time. But many people wait too long to get their lives in order. When they graduate high school, they aren't prepared to be adults.

 

You don't have to have your life figured out by age 18. However, you can take certain steps that will give you an advantage without consuming much of your time. They will also save you future headaches.

 

Once you're old enough, I recommend:

• Getting your ID (age 16 in the US)

• Getting your driver’s license (you can apply for a permit at 15 and 10 months in many parts of the US)

• Applying for a credit card the day you turn 18 (I did this and my credit score is just under 750)

• Saving for a car, which will open up more opportunities for you

These may not seem urgent, but I'm grateful that I learned about and achieved these things in high school. Others kept postponing them.

 

13. Carry Yourself How You Want To Be Addressed

 

This might seem contradictory to the previous lesson, but bear with me.

 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: contrary to popular belief, looks do matter.

 

If you want to be seen in a certain way and attract specific opportunities, you need to present yourself accordingly. This extends from your outer appearance and clothing to your mannerisms and language.

 

As a young black kid, my parents always emphasized that if I wanted to be perceived with dignity and respect, I should carry myself in a way that reflects that. People make judgments, and you will be judged.

 

When I was younger, people often expected me to behave a certain way because of the color of my skin. When I didn't meet their expectations, they would say "you talk white" or "you're whitewashed."

 

This wasn't a negative outcome. It made it clear to me that they weren't to be taken seriously as acquaintances anyway.

 

Even now, the way I dress and interact with others makes people perceive me as older than I am. At 18, people thought I was in my mid-20s and mature for my age.

 

Just a few weeks ago, someone in a coffee shop approached me to model for their clothing brand. They liked my outfit and how I presented myself. I didn't even have to say a word, but this opportunity came to me.

 

I'll probably delve deeper into this topic another time because it's crucial, but let's move on for now.

 

14. Prioritize a Consistent Sleep-Wake Schedule

 

It's surprising how many people don't maintain a consistent sleep-wake schedule.

 

Most people have some sort of routine during the week and go to bed within the same hour or two. However, for some reason, sleep doesn't seem to matter as much on the weekends.

Maintaining a consistent sleep-wake schedule is essential for your overall health and productivity. It helps regulate your body's internal clock. This clock is known as the circadian rhythm. This regulation leads to improved sleep quality. When you go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, your body gets accustomed to the routine. This makes it easier to fall asleep and wake up naturally.

 

Better sleep quality means increased energy during the day. It also means improved mood and enhanced cognitive function. Additionally, a consistent sleep schedule can reduce the risk of sleep disorders. Examples include insomnia and sleep apnea. It also helps maintain a balanced metabolism, contributing to weight management.

 

Moreover, a regular sleep pattern can benefit your mental health. Lack of sleep or irregular sleep can lead to mood swings, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. So, prioritizing a consistent sleep-wake schedule can significantly contribute to your overall well-being. Check out one of the Huberman podcasts on sleep, and you'll realize you've been doing it wrong for years.

 

15. Take Advantage of The Digital Renaissance

 

We live in an era where you can use technology to carve your career path. You can be a creator or a one-person business, or collaborate with creators.

 

The Renaissance was a period in European history from the 14th to the 17th centuries. It marked a wave of new artistic, scientific, and intellectual ideas. It served as a transition from the Middle Ages to the Modern era.

 

Many have noted that we are experiencing a similar period. This time, it's happening on the internet.

 

The most sought-after career path today is to become a YouTuber. Now is a better time than ever to pursue this goal or create content in the way you want to.

 

I'll discuss more about this in a future newsletter on becoming a WordCrafter.

 

16. Don't Go to College Just Because Others Want You To

 

While formal education has its benefits. People are starting to realize that it doesn't always provide the secure future they expected. Many, like me, have never enjoyed the formal education system. When I was in high school, it was presented as if college was the only path for me, and I'd be a loser if I didn't attend. This couldn't be further from the truth. I got a job that, within two years, would pay me the same, if not more than, some of my teachers. And I got it right out of high school.

 

But it's not just about the money. It's unreasonable to expect an 18-year-old who's never left the education system or worked a real job to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives.

 

The stress and anxiety this expectation put on me when I was graduating were immense. I felt pressured by teachers, peers, and even random people I met.

 

If you're in this situation right now, make sure you're going to college because you want to, not because society or your parents are telling you to. It's your life. If you constantly try to please others, you'll end up resenting your life and blaming others for your circumstances.

 

17. Don't Adopt Others' Goals

 

This is similar to the previous point about college, but it's broader. You should be aware of the goals imposed by society, creators, and friends.

 

For example, many people see the fancy cars and lifestyle of people like Tate and want that for themselves. Or perhaps you follow couples on social media and envy their lifestyle. You might end up adopting other people's goals without realizing if they align with your own aspirations.

 

When you see or hear something and someone prescribes something to you, critically evaluate whether it aligns with your ideal future. Also, determine if it's just a case of the shiny object syndrome.

 

18. Stop Procrastinating. Be Great Now

 

"You can be great today, but instead, you choose tomorrow." - Marcus Aurelius

 

There are so many things I wish I had started earlier, especially my YouTube channel. I've wanted to be a YouTuber since I was 11, and I even tried for a while. But for some reason, I stopped.

 

Throughout high school, I was motivated to start a YouTube channel on numerous topics. I tried to get my friends involved. But, I never actually posted videos. I kept telling myself that once I became more interesting or got a good camera or gained more experience, then I'd start.

 

But in reality, that was just me giving into resistance.

 

In the first video on my channel, I talked about how if I didn't start then, I would look back 20 years later and wish I had. Understand that you are in the spot 20 years ago, right now. So do the thing.

 

19. You Deserve the Consequences of Your Actions

 

I remind myself of this mindset strategy every day. It provides a necessary reality check.

You need to hold yourself accountable for everything you do and everything that happens to you, even if it's out of your control.

 

The moment you start blaming someone else or something else for your problems, you relinquish control.

 

Even when things happen to you, act as though you caused them, because if you do, you'll stay present and not let it upset you too much. Then you can approach it with a clear head and fix the situation instead of playing the victim. It won't get you anywhere.

 

Hold yourself accountable for everything you do and even things that are out of your control. There's no one else to blame but you. Don't give the power over your situation to someone or something outside of you.

 

20. Doing the Bare Minimum Isn't Enough

 

I had a 1.8 GPA in high school. It's not that I'm unintelligent or incapable of learning and applying things; in fact, as you can see, I do a lot of that now. But I always had trouble focusing in school, but more than anything, I just didn't do the work. I always tried to get by on the bare minimum.

 

My logic was that I wasn't trying to get into college anyway, so my grades didn't matter to me. And while that was true, my mindset and grades caused a lot of struggle.

 

Teachers didn't respect me the same way as other students. My parents would blame me all the time for my grades and make me feel bad about making them look bad.

I had academic recovery more times than I can count, and I even repeated junior year but found a loophole to get out of it.

 

I was often ineligible to participate in sports because of my grades. All of these issues could have been prevented if I had just given a little more effort. I hated school, but if I'd tried 20% harder, my life would be 80% better and way less stressful.

 

I realized that this mindset would cripple me when I started my own business. Because when you do, you are your own boss. Your input alone determines the outcome. Nobody's holding your hand, scolding you for not trying hard enough.

 

Cultivate the discipline of putting in extra effort now because it will help you later in life.

These are the 20 things I learned in my teens that had the most significant impact on my life. I wish I had learned many of them sooner.

 

I did briefly touch on each one here. However, I plan to discuss many of these topics in more detail in future newsletters.

 

You should check out 14 Days To Purpose since its my birthday:) This free journaling course will aid you on your self-improvement journey. It includes actionable steps and questions you’ve never asked yourself.

 

That’s all for today, enjoy your weekend.

 

-Abraham