Self-Improvement

May 4, 2024

I’m a perfectionist.

I hold myself to ridiculously high standards because when I don’t, I don’t like where I end up.

I feel more stressed being complacent than I do when I’m pushing myself because I know the outcomes of both.

If you’re anything like me:

• You feel that your efforts aren’t good enough
• You’re always finding ways to make things better or more complete
• You struggle with the fear of getting started
• You feel like you don’t have enough skills or good enough equipment to start

This is just a part of who I am. And I don’t see it as a bad thing.

No matter how many people on the internet tell me it’s bad or unhealthy.

This is an innate character trait, not a flaw that I and lots of people have.

If you’re like me, then perfectionism is your problem. But it’s also your solution.

Your superpower.

Instead of feeling bad about yourself for being a perfectionist (which is a form of perfectionism), embrace it.

If you come at it with an understanding of yourself and some core principles to help you regulate your ambition, you can achieve great things.

That is what we will be discussing in this letter.

The Perfectionists Paradox

I will say the word perfectionist a lot in this but don’t overthink about whatever connotation you have associated with it.

Perfectionism is a trait that is commonly seen as negative and even destructive.

I always see people treating perfectionism as this terrible crippling character trait that will lead you to go nowhere in life and that’s just not true.

You NEED to expect highly of yourself if you want to be great.

How can you reach your goals if you keep telling yourself that it’s bad to want to?

Perfectionism means striving for excellence and consistently trying to do your best.

It’s not inherently wrong to want to be good at what you do - it’s simply desiring to be the best version of yourself.

Of course, we can never be perfect. But the potential is there.

The paradox of all of this is that trying to eliminate perfectionism is, in itself, another form of perfectionism.

You can use this inherent character trait to your advantage instead of trying to fight with it by understanding and making efforts to set boundaries in the areas it hurts you and accentuate in the areas it helps you.

The Big 3 - Traits Of The Ultra Successful

There have been many studies done over the years to determine what makes people achieve more than others. These were a few key traits that stuck out above the rest and were found to be the most common among high achievers:

1. A superiority complex - causing them to feel like they can do more, be more, and deserve more
2. Insecurities - causing them to never feel like they are enough, and they won’t be able to achieve their goals
3. Self-control - allowing them to prioritize their time and energy to resist distractions and stay focused on the long-term

If you’re still reading this, that means you have the first two (it’s okay I won’t tell anyone) but you lack the most important one.

Without self-control, you’ll struggle to stay committed to your goals and resist the urge to get distracted by short-term pleasures.

Based on this, it seems like the only difference between a perfectionist and an overachiever is that when a perfectionist feels bad about failure, they let it get to them and ruin their progress. Or they feel so bad about failure that they don’t even start.

The overachiever takes failure as a learning lesson and iterates from that point on. They also have the discipline to see when something doesn’t serve them, and discard it.

Integrated Identity

The thing about self image is that it’s just an image.

Not the real thing. That makes it subjective and not objective.

It’s not real.

We have the ability to change our identity to be more positive through mental conditioning.

First, we have to choose to see ourselves and our situations in a positive light - in other words, optimism.

You have to consciously make the choice to be optimistic no matter the circumstances. The only other option is fear.

“Both faith and fear demand you to believe in something you cannot see. Have faith in the best outcome, instead of fear of the worst.” - Bob Proctor

You should always choose faith and optimism.

While optimism doesn’t guarantee success, pessimism almost always guarantees failure.

If you think that you can't do something, you won't even try. You'll think it's not worth the effort.

If you believe that you can do something, no matter how ambitious that is, you will put in the effort to truly see if it's possible or not.

Just making that decision to make something happen, instead of letting things happen to you is so powerful because you won't rely on the perfect circumstances to get what you want.

You'll create them.

Develop Confidence

True confidence is about believing in your abilities while staying open to new experiences.

It’s about embracing imperfection, understanding that growth comes from learning and trying, not perfection.

Confidence is backed by competence.

Everyone is confident in the things they know how to do.

The things that we want to do but haven’t done yet give us anxiety because we haven’t done it yet. Its unfamiliar. But familiarity breeds comfort.

For some perfectionists, their biggest weakness is how they think others think of them.

But you have to realize, what you think of yourself is all that matters. Just focus on yourself, and conjuring a positive mindset for yourself and things will work out.

Love yourself, love the things you’re doing and love how you’re doing them.

Self-Regulate

Like we talked about earlier, the third and most important trait of the highly successful is self control.

Unfortunately, some of us weren’t born with amazing self control.

We can cultivate self-control, in other words, discipline and willpower, through self-regulation.

“Self-regulation is your ability to monitor your behavior, your ability to regulate your emotions, and your ability to be in control.

I don’t want to be a person that is focused on being disciplined,

I want to be a person that has mastered self-regulation.”-Luke Belmar

The truth is that most “disciplined” people aren’t actually that disciplined. They create a lifestyle and environment that encourages good behavior and makes bad behavior impossible.

I’ll use myself as an example. I don’t like going to the gym. But I go every single day. How?

Because I structure my life and routine around this habit.

Here’s how:

• I signed up for a more expensive gym membership that I had previously.
• I chose a gym that is close enough to walk to
• It’s 24 hours so theres no excuse of time
• I lay my workout clothes out before I go to sleep each night
• I hit the gym first thing in the morning to get it out of the way
• I make sure I go to sleep on time so ill be able to wake up
• Im thinking in the long term by not overtraining and focusing on consistency

And i’ve been doing this for a year now.

Sure, it takes discipline to get out of bed and head to the gym, especially if I didn't sleep well or I'm not in the mood. However, the hardest part was setting the intentions and structuring my lifestyle around this.

What once required significant daily willpower has now become a part of my lifestyle, making it easy to maintain without much extra effort.

How can a perfectionist self-regulate?

By acting as your own auditor.

I do this by planning my life.

Perfectionists often procrastinate, leading to rushed, unsatisfactory results.

As a chronic procrastinator, regular planning and reflection help me counter this.

Here’s how you keep yourself accountable:

Set clear goals - You need to have a clear vision for what you’re trying to do. The clearer the task is that you’re trying to do, the more clarity you will have.

Don’t just say “i want to get good grades” instead, say “I will strive to get a 3.5 average this semester.

The clearer the goal the more realistic it actually will seem. Your progress should be quantifiable.

Set clear deadlines - Just like you need to have a clear vision for what you’re trying to do, you need clarity on when it needs to done as well.

This seems like a no brainer to do, but it isn’t when you think of things outside of a school setting.

Sure, you’re used to turning in essays by the deadline, but are you able to release a YouTube video every week?

Can you see your personal projects as mandatory and become your own boss?

If you can’t you wont take deadlines seriously.

You have to act as if there are repercussions if you don’t do this in time.

No matter if Im quite ready to publish a newsletter or not, its called the Saturday self-improver.

I gotta have something finished by Saturday because people are expecting to hear from me.

This is how you fabricate urgency.

Set aside time for reflection and realignment - There's no point in being productive if you don't know where you're going or you're going in the wrong direction.

If you float through your life without any self-awareness, you will find yourself in a bad place and not know how you got there.

Most people are going through life doing the same things over and over that aren’t getting them good results and then they wonder what’s wrong.

Everyone should have dedicated time in the week to sit down, take a breather, reset, and realign their focus.

We talked about this in detail a few letters ago in “Do This Once A Week To Change Your Life”

To summarize, it's crucial to dedicate time regularly to assess your progress.

This should be done daily, weekly, monthly, and even hourly.

The idea is to take note of accomplishments and insights gained. It's also important to address issues and setbacks, understand their cause, and figure out how to avoid them in the future.

If you're not satisfied with your progress, reassess your approach, allocate more time if needed, or change your process entirely.

Consistent reflection can lead to improved performance and a healthier perspective on failure. It can also help combat perfectionistic tendencies to focus on the negative.

If you want help with planning and self-regulating, you should check out my personal notion template called the Purpose Planner.

Its my productivity system, planner and self reflections all batched into one dashboard.

Perfectionism is not a flaw, it's a trait that can be harnessed to propel you towards your goals if properly managed.

Understanding this can help you use perfectionism to your advantage.

Remember, it's about striving to be the best version of yourself, not about achieving an impossible state of perfection.

With the right mindset, self-regulation, and self-awareness, you can turn your perfectionism into a powerful tool for success. Embrace it, manage it, and use it to become the best version of yourself.

That is all for today.

Have a great weekend and remember -

Purpose is your priority and distraction is your enemy.

-Abraham